We had to write two paragahs.On the frist paragaph we had to go stright into the highlight and on the second paragraph we had to think about our personal thoughts
“Yeah” cheered everyone,as the bride maids were walking down the ile.Following them was the my auntie(Pepe) and my uncle (Faa).Although they were not married just yet.They were just about to get married.
“Congratulations” I said as they were walking down the ile.I felt happy to see that I was going to have another uncle part of the family.I felt excited about the rest of the wedding.So now they were going to start a new life together.
Hi Ashleigh,
ReplyDeleteI liked your first paragraph because it goes into the bit when your aunty and uncle got married. But you should work on making your second paragraph better. See you around.
Shoal
Hi Ashleigh I like paragraph 2 because it hooks me in more than paragraph 1. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteFrom Makerita.
What a lovely occasion, aren't weddings exciting!
ReplyDeleteReading paragraph 1 I knew who was following the bridesmaids down the aisle, (please check your spelling here though).
In paragraph 2 I didn't know who "they" were, so I was a bit confused.
So my vote is for paragraph 1.